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Thursday, July 02, 2009 :::
It’s so hard
To say goodbye
To yesterday…
In high school, I sang this song with the choir for three years – once at each year’s commencement for each graduating class.
No longer. University convocations hardly have time for trivialities such as singing. Anything more than an organ or a bagpipe is excessive. Yet the same sentiments still hold true. I thought I had been so ready to move on for two years – yet at the end of the journey, I look back wistfully and longingly. It might be the people – though I know the ones I have truly connected with I will continue to cherish. It might be the faculty – though I know I will continue to have superior teachers. It might be the courses – though the ones I valued most are the medicine related ones I am about to immerse myself in.
Jaisy Yang, BHSc. Wow – that looks bizarre…
But upon reflection, I have never questioned the eventual achievement of letters after my name. Not that I ever doubted there would be betters, but that it would be THESE letters, specifically. I entered the program, and despite my misgivings about some of my classmates, I never questioned the program I was in. Never wanted to be anywhere else. For the first semester, maybe, I hated the formal writing (reflections, journals, and essays, I believe they were at the time) they made me do, hated the way I was sometimes forced to think (a result of my negative views on institutions in general, at the time)… but even then, I accepted the strange nature of Inquiry. I accepted Del and his unique outlook on the value of learning. I accepted the program, wholeheartedly.
Over the years, I molded myself to this program. I came to love the self-directed learning style (had there ever been any other?), I explored health care from its various angles. I pursued my interests with the flexibility that Health Sci offered. I discovered a group of genuine, supportive, fun-loving friends. Eventually, I came to create a sense of belonging. I defended the program tooth and nail. Of course, Health Sciences was a perfect fit for me – it wasn’t until the final year, I distanced myself enough to question whether this was really true, or whether it was a preconception I conjured for myself. I really hadn’t changed so much from first year. I was still the independent, determined girl, which a simple outlook on life and a strong belief in living with integrity… I could not lie to myself that I found value in a course I did not put a great deal of effort in and achieved an excellent grade. I could not lie that I always enjoyed the unhealthy level of conceit and self-assurance borderline petulance among my classmates.
As it turned out, there are many aspects of the program I didn’t like – which I had noted my first semester, then proceeded to accept. A cult-like program. Proud yes, but also arrogant. We took our futures for granted. The standards were set way above the bar, but seemed entirely reachable with reasonable effort. Such similar mindsets create the sometimes grudging collaboration we held so dearly.
A flawed program, yes. It took me four years to recognize and confirm my initial views from first year. But it was my program, and I loved it.
So now…I begin my next step of the medical school journey with a slight trepidation that UofT can never be what Health Sci was. I wonder how nasty the competition might be. I raise eyebrows at the nine hours of class everyday and the sketchy 20 some odd hours of “PBL” per unit. I worry I will not get the chances to pursue my interests amidst all the studying. But I am wiser now – I recognize and validate those concerns. All the while, I know that like my progress in Health Sci that has led me to this point, I will be able to take whatever UofT has to offer, and run with it.
Onwards and forwards!Labels: Academics
::: posted by Jaisy at 12:28 AM
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009 :::
Midnight musings - packing blues.
I packed my books. Cleared out my closet. Painstakingly took every push pin out of my bulletin board and tossed out my semester's schedules.
I hate packing (completely irrationally), and look forward to it at the end of every year with absolutely zero motivation. This academic year, I have moved three times already - into my residence, out of my residence and into the hotel, and then back again into residence.
But I am moving out for the final time. This time, I really won't be coming back - not just to residence, but to McMaster as an undergraduate student.
It really doesn't seem like that long ago that I moved out for the first time. Same building, same furniture, same cardboard packing boxes. I had listened to music and stayed up until 4:00am folding my clothes. And now it is three years later.
I guess I've had plenty of time to digest my Bachelor status - I technically finished my last course two weeks ago. My grad photos are ordered. I've responded to the convocation invitation. And yet it still hasn't sunk in. For the past two weeks, I've been obsessed with working ahead - the last of med school interviews to attend, Princeton Review training to go to... planning planning planning to move on. And tonight, swimming in nostalgia, exchanging 'warm fuzzies' with my staff team, reliving the past four years - not quite getting to the part about how it has come to an end.
Bachelor of Health Sciences graduate. Who IS that?
::: posted by Jaisy at 1:47 AM
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